Lifetime learning, it seems, must take place over lunchtime. At midday in hospitals across the United Kingdom medical staffs are engaged in learning and lunching.

You as a medical student are required to attend such meetings. Pharmaceutical companies seeking to peddle their wares often provide small bribes by way of coffee and sandwiches. Medical students are usually permitted to partake of the morally ambiguous offerings. You will need self denial to create a good impression. Make sure that you have no more than one sandwich. Although no-one will mind, you will have to endure misty eyed consultants regaling you with anecdotes concerning student hardship in years past, if you reach for a second sandwich.

Coffee is the really dangerous area. Spillage is a potential problem because of a slight worry that you may scald yourself. More worrying is the angry registrar with sodden notes. The main danger, however, is that you are caught quaffing full roasted filter coffee from a white porcelain cup as the consultant arrives late to find a plastic cup and half a teaspoon full of "Kwality Kofee." If this misfortune befalls you, apply to move medical schools; any city further than 75 km away should be fine.

In the absence of a drug lunch everyone brings his or her own lunch. The last time most students did this is probably at primary school. The clinical lunchtime meeting is not dissimilar. If one of the bigger children takes your apple, it is best not to complain. If you are asked to speak it is perfectly acceptable to talk with your mouth full. Indeed, the student who can consistently talk without losing any food is congratulated on his or her evolutionary advantage. Some NHS trusts require this skill as an entry requirement, as you are required to see patients during mealtimes.

Occasionally a consultant may tell a joke. It is important that you laugh at the correct time, in the correct style, and for the right duration. In the eyes of many a consultant a hearty laugh is the sign of a good character. Medical knowledge is, I'm afraid, necessary at these highly charged meetings. You will have to study hard to appear clever. However, if you follow this advice, everyone will testify to your excellent manners.