Tutorial 1: Speculum examination. Clare manages to get the device stuck in the plastic model. The consultant assures her that the real anatomy is "more forgiving." We sincerely hope so.

Tutorial 2: Arrive for ward round at 8 02 am to be chastised. "If you were going to see a play, you wouldn't turn up to the theatre late now would you?" my consultant insists. I try not to smile. Teaching consists of the question: "Name all the vestigial organs you know?"

Tutorial 3: Awake from my recurring "elective daydream" based in the Bahamas with just enough time to get to the tutorial. Seems decidedly empty - until we realise the small print of our timetables says it's being held two miles away. Luckily, I'm still lethargic enough to bring back the conga line on the beach. Use the lunch break to check my email. Computer crashes as I type but, luckily, someone from the IT helpdesk is on hand to fix things instantly - and then I woke up.

Tutorial 4: Obstetric examination. Midwife takes an immediate dislike to me. "Do you want this lovely nursing student, who I have personally supervised, to help deliver your baby, or this new medical student could 'have a go'. I'm sure he's competent." Apparently I got off lightly - it was her birthday.

Tutorial 5: Peripheral attachment. Friend has to stop me from choking when a midwife starts a conversation with us. Backslaps required when our consultant comes to find us in the cafeteria just to "introduce herself." Try to wake up when the woman in the accommodation office gets out a yellow highlighter and starts marking out where the local supermarket is.

Tutorial 6: Gynaecology clinic. Spend most of it outside the consulting room door as patients refuse to let me sit in. Registrar decided to stretch my mind with a question. "What's the first thing you need to learn about any condition?" "The definition," I answered. "Correct." After half an hour I realised that was all I was going to get. Roll on next week.