I have been quietly gutted ever since the results of A level exams I got in August 1996. My results were at the opposite end of the alphabet to those required for a place on a medical course. Seven years later I am delighted to discover it was not my fault.

In the latest shameless act of legal immaturity, twelve alcoholics are apparently suing drinks companies for not warning them of the dangers of alcohol. This quickly follows the widely publicised law suits against tobacco companies for giving smokers bad breath, yellow fingernails, and uncomfortable and premature ends.

Although there is something satisfying about successful multimillion dollar claims against Philip Morris and British American Tobacco, the law casually disregards human autonomy, choosing instead to view us as lemmings who will surely self destruct unless specifically instructed not to.

This culture of blame all became a little silly when one unfortunate customer at McDonald's proved themselves to be one cup holder short of a Saab 95 by scalding themselves with coffee from a cup they had placed between their legs while driving. McDonald's famously, and somewhat ironically, had to pay out for the heinous crime of serving hot coffee.

Several NHS trusts in this country currently have outstanding lawsuits against them that total more than the trusts' annual budget for providing healthcare to their communities. Holding people accountable for their acts of negligence and apportioning blame is often part of the grieving process. Stinging your local hospital for a few hundred thousand pounds, however, is not the most logical way of improving things for the community.

In a world where you can sue a coffee retailer for your own failure to hold a cup upright, perhaps suing a doctor for failing to cure your every ill is not so daft. As for my A levels, I am going to sue the local pub because if it had not provided such an endlessly more entertaining way of spending my evenings, I might have done some studying.