Tamsin Radford
third year student,
University of Birmingham

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Monday. A patient is shocked by the alternative communication skills of our manic registrar who comments: "Take off that horrible nail varnish - you look like one of the Spice Girls. I suppose you injured your foot by falling off your platform shoes." Famous professor wins a bet by persuading us to chant: "We're mad, we're barmy, we're in your cancer army." Wonder if medical school has turned us into sheep.

Tuesday. Feel our registrar may be becoming pessimistic when he comments about a patient: "Tell his relatives not to buy him any long playing records." Laura is also pessimistic as her bowels have reverted to pre-bran muffin sluggishness. She is cheered by the thought that it is now vest weather and spends a happy evening finding her thermals.

Wednesday. Discover that surgeons being decisive is a myth as a cardiac surgeon orders: "Bypass on - or actually, maybenot yet." Later feel inhibited going to the supermarket as I am reduced to wearing my horrible bar code patterned knickers and I think I'll be scanned at the checkout. Laura suggests that I'd come up as a jam tart.

Thursday. A colleague is mystified when an irritable lecturer asks him a question and adds: "and try not to answer as if you are a trade unionist in Leeds." Later my firm comes up with a way to save the NHS money as 10 feet of rubber cable lying around the hospital floor inspires us to consider multiple simultaneous endoscopies.