Tamsin Radford
third year student,
University of Birmingham

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Monday. The orthopaedics round is hampered by the fact that the expected consultant is imaginary, dead, or in Hawaii. At home, I feel Louise may be in need of a confidence boost as she proclaims: "In 10 years' time, you will be a chest consultant, Laura will be a breast surgeon, Helen will run a trauma centre, and I'll be running a cats' home."

Tuesday. "Why aren't there any overheads, Mary?" the deflated consultant inquires during an unassessed presentation. This is met by the withering response: "If this had counted for anything you might have got a couple." At the pub, Nigel is on a hopeless quest to win the affections of Laura and offers to carry her bag. When she refuses on the grounds that all her worldly wealth is contained in it Nigel proudly declares: "Well all my worldly wealth is in my trousers." We advise him to keep up his subscription to the dating agency.

Wednesday. Wonder about the registrar's bedside manner when, during a lecture on radioiodine treatment, he comments: "Remember to tell them they're little beacons of Hiroshima." Realise that the orthopaedic team have become hardened as they open a sweepstake based on the expected patient:leg ratio on the ward on Christmas day.

Thursday. Think that I might have solved the mystery of the poor turn-up rate at the back pain clinic--the door at the entrance says "extremely stiff--push hard" on it. Our consultant says: "Now I'll really show you some signs," and starts enthusiastically to remove his trousers. He claims he has foot drop. We suspect a hidden agenda.

Friday. Helen is overheard inviting a strange man to "come upstairs and I'll show you what I've got." She then reappears with £30. She mumbles something about selling her textbooks but we remain unconvinced.