From the front line

During November 2004, in my final year at medical school, my college closed because of the deteriorating security situation in Iraq. Instead I decided to go to Ramadi city's general hospital, along with two of my friends and colleagues, Omar and Ahmed. We decided to help out at the hospital to gain experience. It never crossed our minds that we would be responsible for peoples' lives in such a short time.

The city of Ramadi is the largest city in the Anbar province, with a population of about 400 000 people. This province also includes the city of Fallujah, where the insurgency is occurring. When the coalition forces decided to raid Fallujah, Ramadi city became involved in the insurgency.

Rumours soon began to circulate that the marines-American naval infantry-had closed all the roads in and out of our city. The hospital staff are mainly resident in the city, but some of them are from the surrounding cities, and this means they cannot go back to their homes.

At one point, Omar, two other resident doctors, a few nurses, and I were the only remaining hospital staff. Nearly all the departments were evacuated and even the critical care unit was empty. Only the emergency ward was open, but it lacked supplies and equipment. This made us totally unprepared for what happened next. Explosions began all around the city. Ramadi was declared a war zone. Not long after each explosion, cars poured into the hospital either for shelter or to bring more dead bodies. The floor of the emergency ward turned red and the smell of flesh permeated the air. Bodies were brought in on any vehicle-even fire trucks.

I could smell the death in the emergency ward, and the way I felt that day will stick in my mind forever. I felt totally helpless and incapable of doing what I was supposed to do-to save people's lives.

In the middle of this chaos, which lasted for several days, the city became a big prison. People were unable to get to their jobs and patients preferred to stay home rather than face snipers' bullets.

After about two weeks, the situation began to improve. News spread that the Americans were going to withdraw their snipers from the top of main buildings in the city and were asking city officials to resume their work. The educational institutions were also reopened. Soon people went back to their jobs. People were shocked by the level of destruction in the city, but, as is the case in war, life goes on.

JIM MACMILLAN/AP

Soldiers in Ramadi

For me everything has changed. I no longer believe in many of the things that were principles to me. The sight of blood now frightens me because it reminds me of the many injured people I was unable to help, and my passion for knowledge and science has been replaced by a feeling of guilt and a disbelief in science. The people who have died for nothing and were killed in cold blood will not come back to life-their families will have to live with the grief. If people saw the real meaning of war and what it does to life no one would ever think of it as a solution, instead it would be the problem.