Keep playing

My fondest memory of medical school is probably the first year talent show. The talent show, traditionally held by the first year class, serves as a fundraiser for a charitable organisation. The show itself is nothing more than a hodge podge of the inevitable skits, musical acts and other “achievements.” Yet the show gets to the core of the student body in a way few other events do.

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For that one night, we were still free to be whoever we believed ourselves to be. In that one night, I got to see my classmates in a way I so seldom did before and probably never again will. Be it the one time opera singer or the piano virtuoso, it was one opportunity to see everyone as something other than walking medical encyclopaedias. But it also made me wonder, what would become of those talents? How many hours of practice and dedication were poured into getting to that level of achievement? What would become of them now, those hobbies and habits and destinies unfulfilled, their place in our lives soon to be cast aside due to our ever shrinking pool of free time.

If all the world is a stage, then the next act for this cast was to be played out on a very different set. Soon enough we would be facing a new role, that of doctor, one I still often feel like I am “playing” at.

It seems every time I move forward in my training, I suddenly feel as if I need to catch up on all those things that I fear I won't have enough time to engage in later on. Doubts keep running through my head that I haven't done enough, I haven't seen enough, I haven't lived enough. I always feel I have to try and prevent the inevitable growing up that the next step will bring.

George Bernard Shaw once said “we don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” That fear still hounds me, that there is something else I could be doing, or should be doing. But I have also come to realise that choosing one path does not eliminate the other entirely. Despite the fears and taunts that reproach us on our road to becoming doctors, there is a world outside the hospital, and, yes, we doctors in training do have the opportunity to engage in it, even if it is not quite as often as we would like. It is my classmates singing and my seniors joking that keeps me going from day to day. It is our person as a whole that keep us sane through all the grueling workdays. Ultimately, we become better doctors because of it, not in spite of it. And so, while our time is tight, our energies drained, and our resources limited still we must keep playing.