That infamous interview question

After the harsh reality of her first year, Sunita Deshmukh wonders why she wanted to become a doctor

Why would anyone in their right mind want to be a doctor? If television shows like ER, Scrubs, or Grey's Anatomy are anything to go by, there is a plethora of exciting, fulfilling, and glamorous reasons to want to practise medicine. But lying awake in bed at 2 am, having forced down too many cups of coffee between yesterday's and today's exams, this particular aspect of the experience seemed neither exciting nor glamorous. My hair is unwashed and uncombed and my bottom lip cracked from nervous nibbling. There certainly is no gossip-worthy love triangle between my best friend, her boss, and his adulteress of an ex-wife. I'm still waiting for a newly discovered philosophy of life, and there is no cheesy narration to summarise the day's events. Everyone keeps telling us freshers that it's only going to get worse. So why do it?

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I was never asked the infamous interview question "Why do you want to be a doctor?" So I never had to think of an answer. Now I find myself sitting in the staff room of a local general practice, staring at a bowl of grapes while I wait for my tutor to arrive. I can't help but question things.

Perhaps I'm having one of those days. You know the sort: you wake up to that familiar alarm clock, resenting it, and as you pour the milk over your cereal you realise you've lost sight of what you're doing and why. To be honest I didn't expect to be questioning myself so early in my career, but you don't need qualifications to wallow in self doubt.

Then the first patient of the morning walked in and sat down in front of me. She was jittery and uneasy. Physically she looked much older than her records told. Under the shadow of her cap, I could just make out two pale and tired eyes. I introduced myself and started talking to her. She was a former drug addict, and she told me that she was taking methadone. She fidgeted in her seat, rubbing her sweaty palms together, and licking her lips between words.

She told me that she started taking drugs nine years ago because her school friends were doing it. By the second time she smoked heroin, she was addicted. She told me about her time in prison: she hated it. She made no excuses for her addiction, describing her childhood as good. Then she looked down at her shaking hands and said that she regretted ever starting. She looked me in the eye and said that she'd lost everything because of drugs—her job, her family—everything important to her.

The impact this had on me was immense and incomparable to any antidrugs campaign I'd ever seen. Suddenly I remember why I'm here and why I'm at medical school—to meet people; to try to understand their health and lifestyle; and to work with them to help improve these. That's why I want to be a doctor, naive as it may sound to the more cynical medical school interviewer.

No one can predict with certainty how a student will fare when faced with the rigours of a medical course. But students who stick with it probably do so because they still remember why they wanted to study medicine in the first place. I only hope that consultations with patients will continue to reaffirm my ambition throughout my career.

Having been completely engrossed by my patient and her story, I realised that I hadn't made any notes and certainly hadn't used the framework for taking a history that I was supposed to. I asked her how she'd been since seeking treatment. She said she felt much better in herself and was glad she didn't have to steal to pay for her addiction anymore. She no longer saw her parents because she didn't want them to see her "like this," but she regularly wrote letters to let them know how she was progressing.

I am continually reminded by various statistics how lucky I am to be studying medicine. And as much as I might complain, especially during exam term, my experiences as a first year medical student have been profound and diverse.

I simply hadn't appreciated the sheer amount of knowledge I would gain about the human condition in just one year, and I realise that there is still a vast amount I have yet to learn. It's all rather humbling. In particular the early clinical experience has been a highlight for me. I've enjoyed meeting patients in hospital wards and at general practices and using newly learnt skills—for example, taking a medical history and carrying out cardiovascular or respiratory examinations.

There is nothing else I can see myself doing for a living. That is my rather long winded answer to the question of why I want to be a doctor.

Competing interests: None declared.

       

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